Also, is it sad that all of my produce is more well-traveled than I am?
Monday, July 31, 2006
Tattoos and Produce
As promised...
Also, is it sad that all of my produce is more well-traveled than I am?
Also, is it sad that all of my produce is more well-traveled than I am?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Need a Nap
There's so much swirling around in my head--the things I need to do. I know this is a familiar feeling, I've told you about it before, and recently. Right now I'm having a dilemma. See, I woke up about 5:30 or so this morning because my allergies were really bothering me (it's such a dorky problem). I did go back to sleep, but I just feel wiped out, so I think I'm going to take a nap. I feel like I shouldn't, though, because there are things that I need and want to do today. But I literally (and I don't use that word lightly) don't have the energy or brainpower needed to do anything. I'm not even fully processing all of the words that I'm typing.
Yup, going to go lay down now and push aside the guilt. My hope is that I'll feel rejuvenated enough to do a house-cleaning blitz later this afternoon. My hope is also that the girls will be able to burn off some energy helping me after watching TV this afternoon while I sleep.
My next blog will include a picture of my tattoo. It's finally healed enought to be picture-worthy.
Yup, going to go lay down now and push aside the guilt. My hope is that I'll feel rejuvenated enough to do a house-cleaning blitz later this afternoon. My hope is also that the girls will be able to burn off some energy helping me after watching TV this afternoon while I sleep.
My next blog will include a picture of my tattoo. It's finally healed enought to be picture-worthy.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The blog I meant to blog
...or, a blog of links.
I discovered NaNoWriMo from Holly's blog. I'm very seriously considering doing this, which may seem absolutely ridiculous considering I was just whining about maybe having too much on my plate. But the very thought of writing a novel (or, in this case, more of a novella) just thrills me. I think I'm at least going to sign up. (If you haven't already, you really need to click on the NaNoWriMo link to see what I'm talking about. Also, the info is really well-written, and is an enjoyable read. If you've got time, check out How NaNoWriMo Works, and their History. Fun reads.)
The thing is, I've actually got a plot idea in mind, and I've had it for about 10 years. I came up with it while listening to the City of Angels soundtrack while driving through Colorado. Actually, I wasn't driving, but you get the point. I've developed it some over the years, but it's only one of many scenarios I imagine when I can't sleep (obviously this is a life-long problem of mine). I was telling my mom this weekend that I do that--imagine stories when I can't sleep--and I realized that this may be an uncommon thing. I'd never really given it much thought. Now, I'm pretty realistic about the whole thing--I know I probably won't complete the project, but I also think it'd be great fun to see what I can do with it. I do not have delusions of literary grandeur (well, okay, maybe that scenario has entered my imaginings once or twice since finding out about it, but I know that's all it is--imaginary), but I think it'd be really fun to at least try. Because of the deadline (you really need to click on the link if you haven't already), I know that I wouldn't have time to edit, which would be a good thing for me. I would only be able to write, and the prospect thrills me.
On a separate note, we closed on our house last Wednesday, and, because we now have some extra money, Aaron and I are going to take a trip to San Antonio in September, the 1st-3rd. I made reservations yesterday--check it out. Here, too. I booked our room on Travelocity, and was very pleased with the rate--it's lower than the hotel's advertised rate, anyway. We need people to watch our children, so let us know if you'd like to volunteer for that job. I'm pretty excited. I haven't been to San Antonio in years, and even then we didn't stay very close to the Riverwalk. I want to ride in the water-taxi and maybe do a river tour, which are both much cheaper than I imagined, and Aaron wants to go to the Buckhorn Saloon, which looks interesting to me too. And, for the sake of one more link (and because it's true), we'll probably go to the Riverwalk Mall also. Finding all these links actually made me more excited about the trip, as I was seeing how beautiful the area is! Yay!
There. Do you see what some good sleep and a cathartic blog can do for my attitude? Not to mention some well-timed encouragement from Adam (I'm infinitely lovely) and Ephesians (I'm up against more than I can handle on my own).
I discovered NaNoWriMo from Holly's blog. I'm very seriously considering doing this, which may seem absolutely ridiculous considering I was just whining about maybe having too much on my plate. But the very thought of writing a novel (or, in this case, more of a novella) just thrills me. I think I'm at least going to sign up. (If you haven't already, you really need to click on the NaNoWriMo link to see what I'm talking about. Also, the info is really well-written, and is an enjoyable read. If you've got time, check out How NaNoWriMo Works, and their History. Fun reads.)
The thing is, I've actually got a plot idea in mind, and I've had it for about 10 years. I came up with it while listening to the City of Angels soundtrack while driving through Colorado. Actually, I wasn't driving, but you get the point. I've developed it some over the years, but it's only one of many scenarios I imagine when I can't sleep (obviously this is a life-long problem of mine). I was telling my mom this weekend that I do that--imagine stories when I can't sleep--and I realized that this may be an uncommon thing. I'd never really given it much thought. Now, I'm pretty realistic about the whole thing--I know I probably won't complete the project, but I also think it'd be great fun to see what I can do with it. I do not have delusions of literary grandeur (well, okay, maybe that scenario has entered my imaginings once or twice since finding out about it, but I know that's all it is--imaginary), but I think it'd be really fun to at least try. Because of the deadline (you really need to click on the link if you haven't already), I know that I wouldn't have time to edit, which would be a good thing for me. I would only be able to write, and the prospect thrills me.
On a separate note, we closed on our house last Wednesday, and, because we now have some extra money, Aaron and I are going to take a trip to San Antonio in September, the 1st-3rd. I made reservations yesterday--check it out. Here, too. I booked our room on Travelocity, and was very pleased with the rate--it's lower than the hotel's advertised rate, anyway. We need people to watch our children, so let us know if you'd like to volunteer for that job. I'm pretty excited. I haven't been to San Antonio in years, and even then we didn't stay very close to the Riverwalk. I want to ride in the water-taxi and maybe do a river tour, which are both much cheaper than I imagined, and Aaron wants to go to the Buckhorn Saloon, which looks interesting to me too. And, for the sake of one more link (and because it's true), we'll probably go to the Riverwalk Mall also. Finding all these links actually made me more excited about the trip, as I was seeing how beautiful the area is! Yay!
There. Do you see what some good sleep and a cathartic blog can do for my attitude? Not to mention some well-timed encouragement from Adam (I'm infinitely lovely) and Ephesians (I'm up against more than I can handle on my own).
The blog I didn't mean to blog
I am so frustrated with feeling--and being--scatterbrained. There are a hundred things I would like to do, and set out to do, with my day, and only about 5 of them get done, and I feel like the 5 that get done don't even get done well, and of the 95 things that didn't get done, I forgot about 75 of them because I was thinking of the other...where are we...25? That's too many numbers for me, and I applaud you for even reading this far, because I'm really just rambling because I couldn't contain the "blah" anymore.
I don't know if it's because I've got too much on my plate, but I was busy all day long today--all day long--and I feel overwhelmed by all the things I didn't do, or didn't do well. And it's not like I was sitting around doing stuff I wanted to do instead of stuff I needed to do. No, I've got a laundry list of stuff I want to do--read a book, lay out, sew Halle's quilt, blog (yes, I realize I'm doing that now, but this is not the blog I meant to blog, and the only reason I'm doing this now is because I can't sleep. In fact, add "get to sleep before midnight or 1 am" to the list). It's just very frustrating. My house is trashed, and that's even after I actually did some housework today. I haven't really spent any quality time with my kids, and I feel like a really bad mom for not utilizing this time better (summer and all). I feel stuck. I feel out of balance. And it's not that I'm unhappy with my life overall, I'm just unhappy with the way I function, or rather, with the way I don't function. And maybe I expect too much of myself. The problem is, I don't really know what it is I expect of myself. A cleaner house? I actually did a load of laundry, and two loads of dishes today, in addition to cleaning off the desk, paying some bills, and getting some forms turned in today, after going to the grocery store and putting up the groceries. So, I shouldn't feel bad about what I didn't accomplish today, right? But I look around and all I see is a huge mess!! Actually, right not all I see is dark, because it's midnight and all the lights are out, but I know the mess is there!
I think maybe it's the mental mess that really gets to me. I lay in bed thinking of all the things that need to be done, or the things I should have done and didn't--I need to fold laundry, I should have given the kids a bath tonight, and didn't, I need to vacuum, there are clothes all over the floor in the bathroom, not to mention they need to be cleaned (the clothes and the bathrooms), Noah's room's a wreck, as is the girls' room, and, come to think of it, I should have made them clean their room this afternoon. Instead, they watched TV while I worked at the desk this afternoon. That wouldn't be so bad, except they've done that this summer much more than I think is good for them. I didn't have a real conversation with the girls today. I didn't play with them. I'M A BAD MOM!!! On the other hand, they did help bring in the groceries, and put them away, and they played on the Slip 'n Slide, and cleaned up their stuff from the living room, and they did their "cat chores" (cleaning out the kitty litter and feeding the cats.) So, maybe I'm not so bad, but I feel like the good things happened by default, not because I took any action to parent my children today. But I also didn't scream at them or beat them or lock them in the basement, so that's something.
I know somebody will probably say (or think), "oh, Amy, you're just being too hard on yourself." And maybe that's true, but to be very honest, there is a problem here (although, obviously, I'm not sure what it is). I'm in a quagmire of unmet expectations and unmet obligations, and mediocre performance as a housewife and a mother, and this is not to mention my laughable copyediting "career" that is a big source of frustration and disappointment at the moment--I have no idea where to go from here, but let's just leave that out of the picture for now.
So, to conclude, I do not understand how this whole thing is supposed to be done, and I think the underlying problem is that I don't know how to effectively juggle all the stuff without dropping something, or forgetting about it altogether.
Okay, I feel a little better now, and maybe I can actually go to sleep now without the line, "Sometimes that Gideon's Bible is your only friend" running through my brain like a broken record.
I don't know if it's because I've got too much on my plate, but I was busy all day long today--all day long--and I feel overwhelmed by all the things I didn't do, or didn't do well. And it's not like I was sitting around doing stuff I wanted to do instead of stuff I needed to do. No, I've got a laundry list of stuff I want to do--read a book, lay out, sew Halle's quilt, blog (yes, I realize I'm doing that now, but this is not the blog I meant to blog, and the only reason I'm doing this now is because I can't sleep. In fact, add "get to sleep before midnight or 1 am" to the list). It's just very frustrating. My house is trashed, and that's even after I actually did some housework today. I haven't really spent any quality time with my kids, and I feel like a really bad mom for not utilizing this time better (summer and all). I feel stuck. I feel out of balance. And it's not that I'm unhappy with my life overall, I'm just unhappy with the way I function, or rather, with the way I don't function. And maybe I expect too much of myself. The problem is, I don't really know what it is I expect of myself. A cleaner house? I actually did a load of laundry, and two loads of dishes today, in addition to cleaning off the desk, paying some bills, and getting some forms turned in today, after going to the grocery store and putting up the groceries. So, I shouldn't feel bad about what I didn't accomplish today, right? But I look around and all I see is a huge mess!! Actually, right not all I see is dark, because it's midnight and all the lights are out, but I know the mess is there!
I think maybe it's the mental mess that really gets to me. I lay in bed thinking of all the things that need to be done, or the things I should have done and didn't--I need to fold laundry, I should have given the kids a bath tonight, and didn't, I need to vacuum, there are clothes all over the floor in the bathroom, not to mention they need to be cleaned (the clothes and the bathrooms), Noah's room's a wreck, as is the girls' room, and, come to think of it, I should have made them clean their room this afternoon. Instead, they watched TV while I worked at the desk this afternoon. That wouldn't be so bad, except they've done that this summer much more than I think is good for them. I didn't have a real conversation with the girls today. I didn't play with them. I'M A BAD MOM!!! On the other hand, they did help bring in the groceries, and put them away, and they played on the Slip 'n Slide, and cleaned up their stuff from the living room, and they did their "cat chores" (cleaning out the kitty litter and feeding the cats.) So, maybe I'm not so bad, but I feel like the good things happened by default, not because I took any action to parent my children today. But I also didn't scream at them or beat them or lock them in the basement, so that's something.
I know somebody will probably say (or think), "oh, Amy, you're just being too hard on yourself." And maybe that's true, but to be very honest, there is a problem here (although, obviously, I'm not sure what it is). I'm in a quagmire of unmet expectations and unmet obligations, and mediocre performance as a housewife and a mother, and this is not to mention my laughable copyediting "career" that is a big source of frustration and disappointment at the moment--I have no idea where to go from here, but let's just leave that out of the picture for now.
So, to conclude, I do not understand how this whole thing is supposed to be done, and I think the underlying problem is that I don't know how to effectively juggle all the stuff without dropping something, or forgetting about it altogether.
Okay, I feel a little better now, and maybe I can actually go to sleep now without the line, "Sometimes that Gideon's Bible is your only friend" running through my brain like a broken record.
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