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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Oh, yeah

I also thought this article from Christianity Today was good, and it's short enough to post:

Come, Lord Jesus
Oh, wait. He's already here.by Carolyn Arends

I was a guest musician at a church in Winnipeg, engaged in the familiar liturgies of a pre-service prayer huddle. One person prayed for the congregation's safety in inclement weather, another for the technical aspects of the service, and a third kindly remembered my family back home.
When my turn came, I must have used a phrase like, "God, we invite you here among us." I clearly recall the minister's prayer, which followed mine: "We know we do not have to request your presence, because there is nowhere you are not. So we celebrate the fact you are already here with us now."
My head stayed bowed, but my face burned. This guy is correcting my theology with his prayer!
The service went as planned. But throughout the evening, I was mentally defending my choice of words. Of course I know God is everywhere—I've read Psalm 139! I was requesting an extra measure of his presence, an outpouring of his Spirit. Or, if you want to be more precise (and clearly you do), I was praying that God would help us to be open to him. Aren't we just arguing semantics?
I never articulated any of these thoughts to the minister. But the dialogue I've had with him in my head ever since has gradually refined my thinking—a case of iron sharpening particularly dull iron. I now believe that pastor's gentle correction was necessary.
If the psalmist is right—that there truly is nowhere we can go to flee God's presence—why do we act like his attendance is intermittent? And why do we assume it's dependent on us?
"Halfway through the retreat, God showed up," we say. As if he wasn't there before we were, drawing us to that time and place.
"Lord, we welcome you to come," we pray. As if he needs us to usher him into the world he created. As if we do not "live and move and have our being" in him alone (Acts 17:28).
In the Gospels, Jesus makes a simple proclamation with seismic implications: "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near" (Matt. 4:17). For those of us who grew up in the hot, scary shadows of brimstone pulpits, the command to repent causes an involuntary shudder. But the Greek word is metanoeite, which is more invitation than threat. It means "change your mind" or "reconsider."
Reconsider what? According to Jesus, everything you thought you knew about reality. Why? Because the kingdom of heaven is near.
Most of us think of heaven as somewhere out there, the place where God watches from a distance and we will one day join him. But for the biblical writers, heaven is close. In fact, the "first heavens" is a term used to describe the earth's atmosphere. So when Jesus describes the invisible (but very real) realm that God inhabits, he lets us know it's not only out there, but also as near as the atmosphere surrounding our bodies and the air we breathe.
That Winnipeg minister was calling me to repent—to reconsider what I thought I knew about reality and the way God pervades it. I don't have to invoke God's presence. I only have to attend to it.
This change of heart and mind alters the way I approach discipleship. I suspect I have sometimes unconsciously used spiritual disciplines as smoke signals to get God 's attention. Now I am learning that they are simply ways of letting him capture mine.
A similar change has occurred in my orientation toward evangelism. I don't have to give a nonbeliever something I have that she doesn't. I need only invite her to open herself up to what God is already doing all around her.
The other day I was trying to describe this shift in my understanding to my friend Roy Salmond. He ran to pull out an article he'd read in Time magazine more than a decade ago. It's an eloquent piece called "The Game of Catch," by Roger Rosenblatt, about baseball, parenthood, and the wordless communication between a father and son tossing the ball around. While the article is in no way religious, one thought in particular has permanently changed Roy's view of life with God.
"They do not call it a game of throw," Roy quoted, grinning. "They call it catch."
Oddly enough, I understood exactly what he meant. Spiritually speaking, I've been preoccupied with throwing the ball; this turns out to be a case in which it would be better to receive than to give.
God is the initiator. We love because he first loved us. We're here because he thought of us and welcomed us into his world. Yes, he stands at the doors to our hearts and knocks, but we need only let him in. We don't have to summon him from another country or galaxy. The kingdom of God is already near.
Repent. It's time to play catch.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Good stuff

I think this article titled "Sex & the City of God" is phenomenal. It's long; read it anyway.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Here's the part where I whine

So, it's no sooner than I say, "Oh, I can handle this" (insert goofy, sarcastic voice) that I have this overwhelming feeling that I can't handle this. I just can't do it for one more day. I'm fractious.

And maybe fractious is what happens when I've had basically nothing to do this week. Yeah, you heard me right. It's not that I'm overwhelmed because I've been so busy. No, I'm just tired. I'm bored. I'm ready to move on already. I have senior-itis. I am sick of it all. It feels pointless and monotonous and never-ending. And I'm glad work has been reeeaaallly slow, because I've been able to do school work. But I'm a bit bored. I've seriously moved from easy to medium to hard to evil on websudoku.com just this week. And I'm glad my classes are relatively easy, because it's nice not to have to bust my ass to get a good grade (see posts here.) But I'm over it. Learning has become something that sounds nice, but, really, who freaking cares? Give me the diploma already. I'm a life-long learner, blah, blah, blah. I'll pick this stuff up later, just let me get off the ride.

And even more, I am overwhelmed by all the things--all the many, many things--that I want to do, and should do, and need to do, that don't. get. done. I want to smack people when they talk about how busy their lives are. I want to give them a run-down of my schedule and my husband's schedule and my kids's schedules and say, "What were you saying about busy? Hmmm?" I hear people talk and read articles about how busy we are these days, and "Here's a list of 5 ways you can learn to say no" and I'm all, "SAY NO TO WHAT?!?" What in my life can I say no to? My life is so busy that when I'm not busy, I revert into an almost comatose state. And that's just one more state of dysfunction that overwhelms me.

And I'm just tired. I'm so tired. I'm tired of the busyness and I'm tired of the daily grind and I'm tired of school and I'm just sleepy-tired. I walk around in a constant state of fuzz. Tired fuzziness. I forget simple words like "overhead projector" and "transparency." Seriously, I just had to remember the word "transparency" so I could tell you I forget it.

And while I'm at it, let me throw this out there, too: I think I'm afraid. I'm afraid that all this effort will be for naught. That I will have poured myself out for three years--found this desire for copyediting and the courage to call myself a writer and dare to see where it takes me--and it will be for nothing. I'm afraid that, after all, I'll end up being a teacher for the rest of my life, and I don't want that. I don't want to clock in every day and deal with a room full of America's future leaders whose lives I could impact for good. I don't want to deal with parents, and I don't want to deal with administrators, and I don't want to deal with the TAKS test, and I don't want to do it. *Stomps foot* I want to work from home, and write, and maybe do laundry and clean my house and pick my kids up from school. I want my dream job. I am doing all of this so that I can have my dream job, and I'm afraid the temp job will throttle the dream job.

So, there. It's out there. All the crap, there it is. And, despite the fact that it's almost midnight ("You say you're tired, Amy. Well, here's an idea..."), writing makes me feel less tired. More whole. Because if I can still write, then maybe I can actually help others write. And maybe I can help them write well. And if I can help others write well, then maybe I can write well, too. And then, maybe...

Because through it all, there's still hope. And that's why I keep going.

Even though the day be laden
And my task dreary
And my strength small
A song keeps singing in my heart
For I know that I am Thine
I am part of Thee
Thou art kin to me
And all my times
All my times
Are in Thy hands
(From the Iona community)